This is -- partially -- about the object-relational impedance mismatch.

But it's also about the parallel concepts between objects and relations. We'll use Python as our object model.

First, the obvious.

A SQL table is a list of rows. A row is a dictionary that maps a column name to a column …

First, let me point out that the Data Cartel ("DBA" means Don't Bother Asking) won't release all the information I requested, so some of this is a guess.

We'll look at a number of dumb-as-a-post SQL techniques. This is proof -- if any were needed -- that bad SQL is worse than …

A stored procedure isn't really very easy to understand. There's a profound fascination with triggers and stored procedures, and they're both really bad ideas. I can't say enough bad things about stored procedures. See PL/SQL vs. Java - Which is REALLY faster? and Over-Solving the Problem or When your architect …